Do-over

Do-over

But You, O Lord, are a God full of compassion, and gracious, longsuffering and abundant in mercy and truth. Psalm 86:15

This week has been quite the opposite of last week in terms of chaos and busyness. I have been trying to recover from the sinus infection I obtained last week and therefore only went to the hospital one day. I was mistaken in thinking I was improved enough to go to work on Wednesday. There’s nothing like a commute down a significant change in elevation to show you just how much congestion is still in your head. My brain was in a bubble for several hours and it sounded like I was underwater when people talked to me all day. A curious sensation to say the least, and one that led me to re-evaluate my wellness and spend the rest of the week hammocking and reading Mere Christianity.

But it doesn’t take a week for the Lord to work and, little though I expected it, that one day at the hospital was enough for the Lord to show me even more of His goodness and mercy towards me. If you recall at the end of my post “Nursing Shortage” I talked about how I had failed to love on my patient’s moms in my stressful busyness. I had been particularly sad about my brusqueness towards the mom of the little boy who I cared for several days, the one we intubated on Friday. I was eager to see how he was doing. He was still there, so that in itself was a pleasant surprise. Heart still beating, lungs still filling and emptying. In fact, he had extubated himself- not exactly what you intend with someone who is supposed to be sedated, but it showed he was much stronger. I don’t know if his brain lesion was responding to any of the treatment. They have probably since done another CT scan to check, but I don’t know anything about it. I hope that I will see him next week and see evidence of answered prayers in his healing.

But God wanted to answer a different prayer of mine on Wednesday. He wanted to show me grace that I cannot deserve. When I was caring for the little boy his mom came over. I told her in Kreyol that he looked much better than last week. She lit up like a suburban house in a Christmas light competition. She agreed with me and commented on my being able to speak in Kreyol to her. I replied that I don’t know much but I’m learning (a statement that applies as much to the state of my soul as to my language ability). I went on to ask her how she was (okay), if she was tired (she was), how many kids she has (four), and whatever little questions I could muster. I helped her change his sheets. I smiled at her and she smiled back. Our interaction lasted for not even five minutes of the day.

I can hardly keep from crying even know as I think back on it days later. That I should be given the chance to try again where I had failed before. That I should have not only that chance, but the reward of that mom’s smile, of bringing her a moment of happiness, to show her love. I am so unworthy of the privilege, the great honor, of being the one to brighten her day. So undeserving of being a friend to her. It is such a beautiful and personal picture of God’s patience, his longsuffering towards me. His giving of a second chance, a do-over. There are infinite examples of this in each of our lives. Infinite gifts we are unworthy of. Infinite opportunities to discover the unending, unfailing, unfathomable love of God. But today I want to cherish this one. This one small moment in which God showed me He loves me enough to let me try again, to communicate that He will always let me try again, to try to be more like Him. In my Father’s heart there will always be room for one more do-over.