Good Medicine

Give and Receive

This week at the hospital was fairly laid back. With the new month started a few new things around the unit. The leadership personnel for the unit are working hard to make things run more smoothly and enable the highest standards of care we can provide. One thing that started this week was official rounds at 1400 each day. The morning doc, afternoon doc, any volunteer docs, nurses, and translator migrate through the unit going over each patient’s status and plan of care. It takes a while some days, but it enables everyone to be fully informed and I am learning a lot from it. This week we had diagnoses like kernicterus, sickle cell, severe malnutrition, congenital syphilis, and spina bifida.

Another thing that started this week was new nurse orientation for the peds unit. They are hiring four new Haitian staff nurses and I was invited to take part in their orientation classes. We are meeting a few times a week in the morning to go over all sorts of things, from documentation to pediatric-specific considerations for all organ systems and so forth. We had a good time this week and I’m enjoying having a built-in Kreyol lesson, as the class is given by an American nurse and translated for the Haitian nurses.

When I was first considering coming to Haiti as a new nurse I was plagued with mixed feelings about whether I would be useful at all. In nursing school you have so much support around you, which is totally necessary as you learn, but kind of insulates you from knowing what you are capable of. Being here and finding myself stepping up to the challenges, I have realized that I can do much more than I thought, even though I still have so much to learn. It struck me this week as I participated in orientation, as well as rounding with the docs and other nurses- we all have something to offer, all of us, and we all have something to receive. In this realization I find that confidence and humility can co-exist harmoniously. I find it reminds me of the value of each person I interact with- I have so much to receive from them- as well as my own value- I have so much to give. No matter how new or experienced you are in your field, in your relationship with God, in life- I hope you never stop giving and never stop receiving.

Letting Go

“The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job 1:21 

Despite how often we are reminded that we are not in control, it is a hard place to come to the end of our limited abilities and knowledge and say, “there’s nothing we can do.” It’s hard to feel powerless, hard to not be able to fix things. We had a baby come to us this week with a congenital heart defect that we did not have the ability to operate on. We only had him for a few hours and had to just watch him slip away.

Another family left us on Friday to return home with their little girl. She has hydrocephalus and despite sitting with her in multiple hospitals for three months, her brain is so damaged that further treatment will not improve her condition. In the past three weeks I have cared for her several times and watched her parents loving and kissing on her. I cannot fathom her parent’s pain of accepting that nothing more can be done and going home to enjoy what time is left with her.

How do we let go? How do we accept these hard things? Without the Lord it certainly cannot be possible. Sometimes I feel like I need Him to pry open each finger for me. Sometimes I need him to move my lips and pump my lungs to form the words “Blessed be your name.” I need Him to open my heart and put acceptance into it with His own hand.

sunrise on the roof

Transparent 

“A joyful heart is good medicine…” Proverbs 17:22

I’m a flowery kind of person, I tend to be rather emotional and I am usually completely incapable of hiding my emotions. At times I’ve wished I could be more stoic, not wear my heart on my sleeve all the time, and totally despised my inability to appear more controlled. It’s kind of disgusting how many times I’ve ugly-cried in public (and special thanks to all of you dear friends that have been on the opposite side of the table while this happened and still love me). God is changing and maturing a lot of things about me here. My heart is growing. And now I find I’m thankful for this transparent heart, because it is full of joy. Even on the dying-babies days it has peace and joy. It’s content, thankful. I’m glad now for the ease with which I share my spirit, as it becomes one worth sharing- more God and less me.

 I had a very encouraging conversation with a co-worker this week, and was told that I am known by others as a kind and happy person, that I handle things so well and I’m always smiling. Let’s be clear- I am as human as anyone and I know that I fail more often than not (people definitely see that, too). I can be so disgusted by my selfish reactions sometimes. But I want to give God praise for the incredible work He has done that I should be thus described. It brings tears to my eyes to remember the stone-hearted, selfish person that I’ve been and to see how God is making me new, step by step. That I should have this joyful heart, that I should be a blessing to others, is such a gift. Behold, He makes all things new. If our God can make me a lamp worthy of putting on a stand, He can do all things.

“Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.” Matt 5:16

Pray

-Pray for hurting people who are letting go of their precious babes. 

-Pray that I would continue to be a light and blessing to others, even when I am tired or stressed. 

-Pray for direction- that I would know what the Lord has for me after my time here.